Wheel Of Self Destruction

Years ago when relationships were not easy I found them to be an object of obsession. One day, something clicked and I had an understanding that not all things are as they seem and to worry them or place blame was not something that helped any situation. It was at that time I adopted a mantra or a silent prayer to say whenever I would immerse myself in negative thinking. Realizing that I was being negative brought me to the threshold of prayer which always put me in a positive thought process. From then on I just 'let go and let God' or Creator, or the Mystery or whatever you wish to call a force greater than ourselves. If healing the emotions is what one desires, then adopting a prayer or mantra whenever you feel emotional or 'negative' may be something to consider. It certainly works for me. Prayer/mantra gives me strength and takes me out of a blame or downward spiraling emotional cycle.

The subject of much blame and judgement is the self. At times I would attack myself for doing or saying something I should not have done or said. This cycle is self-destructive and tends to set up a wheel of destruction that is difficult to stop as it can spiral out of control to a point where self-hatred erupts and further destroys, creating more hatred and self-judgement. So, instead of blaming 'me', I dropped all judgement of myself and all blame. Instead I would say that I did not like what I was DOING or what I was SAYING. By taking the 'self' out of the wheel of destruction it became easier to get off the wheel when I focused on the ACTION, which took pressure off of 'me'. It is easier and less destructive to say, "I really hate what I just did or what I just said instead of "I hate myself for saying that". It is less destructive to the self when you focus on the ACTION than it is to focus on the SELF. Eventually I learned not to say 'hate' at all. I would just say something like, "I didn't have to say that" or "I don't like what I did". Eventually I developed new pathways that would allow me to be more creative in my thought processes.

By just making this one seemingly small adjustment to my way of thinking of my 'self', I was able to stop the wheel of self-destruction and get off.

Once you get off the wheel of self-judgement and self-blame you feel a freedom that perhaps you've never felt before. This freedom from blame and judgement allows you to then stop blaming and judging others. What a rush when you free yourself of the burden of judgement and blame. I had so much more time to devote to things that mattered and were more positive.  As a result, I am more optimistic and have more time to be creative.  Once new pathways were created it was easier to fill my day with upbeat and positive choices.  But first, I had to allow myself to grow from my own mistakes.

As Grandmother PaRisHa says, "Just one optimistic person, with a willingness to allow people to grow from mis-takes, can effect 90,000 others. Thats what one person can do."