Many years ago while at an intensive with Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha in N. Carolina she introduced us to an 'other-worldly' place. We went to this place as a group and it was very real walking along the dark pathway lined with foliage and mist. We all got to the destination and Grandmother let us explore and go our own way until the time that she called us back.
My path took me to what looked like a large underground cavern filled with shrouds of billowing dark, feather-light material that moved with the wind currents. Among these curtains stood two very tall, very slender, fully covered to the floor by thin capes, 'beings' - the likes of which I had never seen before. When I looked up into their faces all I could see were the huge almond shaped eyes and my own reflection looking back at me through them.
These beautiful beings were very loving and gentle. They greeted me with a 'welcome' and then took me in behind the billowing, flowing curtains and bade me rest. I don't remember any more than that except that I went totally blank, thinking and remembering nothing. When I awoke I felt different, more refreshed. On the return trip, I noticed that these beings floated beside me as I walked back to the place we met, and they never spoke, but communicated to me through their thoughts that I was invited back anytime I felt I needed to be rejuvenated.
I walked along the pathway intent on finding my way out and back to the group when I felt myself pulling someone or something as my arm stretched out behind me. I had no idea why I had picked up this extra baggage nor what it was until I looked behind me and saw one of the people who was in our group. I was literally dragging her out of this place! She was not looking at me - she was looking behind her and reaching out to some unseen force beyond my sight, while she appeared to be totally unaware of me.
Still, I felt the pull as I hauled her out of there, all the while thinking she would be lost if I were to let go.
Later, when we were walking along the beach to go back to our hotel, I caught up to her and asked her what had happened to her down there. She was wide-eyed in her response. "I saw my brother down there and I wasn't leaving!" I asked her if she knew how she had gotten out of there and she said she didn't have any idea.
Until that moment I wasn't sure that my experience with these Inter-Terrestrial beings was real. Many years later I once again thought of them and in need of rejuvenation of mind, body, spirit and emotions I revisited that long ago place and found the IT 'beings' once again. I spent the whole night in their care and awoke with a rejuvenated spirit, zest for life and something else which I haven't as yet identified. I'll update you when I find out what it is.
Showing posts with label grandmother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandmother. Show all posts
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Laughter as Medicine
Years ago while working in a hospital's pain management facility as a massage therapist, a woman came to see me whom I'll refer to as PJ.
The moment I began to work with PJ I knew there was something amiss, due to the presence of tears and unusually high anxiety. Not easy to miss.
So began an unusual relationship. Within a few minutes it was obvious that PJ was very disturbed and unhappy. Relationships. What else? She considered herself too old to do anything about her situation (late 60's, early 70's). Doomed and Scrooged.
I reminded her of Scrooge who thought he was too old to change. She didn't get the anology. I could tell she was borderline indifferent, a state of mind one may move into at any time that is the opposite of love, letting nothing in that is positive and closing the heart forever, thereby entering into a state of mind that is extremely difficult to get out of. I knew I had to do something.
I remembered words of wisdom from Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha during my time with her. She always said, "As a medicine person you will have to do anything it takes to bring balance to a situation. If you don't know what to do, call on me and just get out of the way."
I called out to Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha and all the Grandmothers and Grandfathers to help this woman. Then I just got out of the way.
I found myself saying something shocking to PJ. I couldn't believe that I'd said it, but I did. I only know it was way dirty and it even shocked me but I can't remember what it was. Anyway, PJ's reaction, being totally shocked, was to laugh. So I said something even more shocking. Honestly, now, I don't even remember what I had said to her. The whole conversation was a blur and I couldn't tell you later what it was that I'd said to her, not even minutes after I'd said it. That is how spirit works when you get out of the way.
I was on a roll. Shocking epithets issuing forth as though someone had turned on a faucet. Within moments, PJ was transformed. She was roaring with laughter! For the next 45 minutes, PJ rocked and rolled on my table with laughter. It never occurred to me that people may be in the outer office wondering what was going on inside my room. PJ and I were having a ball. She was now crying tears of joy whereas she came in all miserable and sad.
Laughter heals the soul. It had been a long while since PJ had laughed. The sadness and the weight of the world, she carried. The joy and the longing for love, she missed. Her heart was heavy with dread because she kept looking back at what life had been. Instead of looking forward to what life can be. Many people look backward and it never is a benefit to do so. You can drive yourself crazy looking back. It is always better to look ahead.
I gave PJ the name of a counselor and her card to make sure she wouldn't forget. PJ said she'd definitely go to see her and she made another appointment with me because she loved the whole session and also the massage. She said she felt better than she had in years but she knew she had a long way to go. Each time PJ came in she would laugh and laugh. She came back for awhile and then I didn't see her again.
Later, I spoke to her counselor, there at the hospital. I asked how PJ was doing and the counselor said she was coming along but she always cried. "Hard Case". I told her of my time with PJ and how I could get her laughing. She just looked at me, incredulous. "YOU GET HER LAUGHING??? How do you do that?"
All I could say was, "I don't know.....I just call on spirit and get out of the way."
The moment I began to work with PJ I knew there was something amiss, due to the presence of tears and unusually high anxiety. Not easy to miss.
So began an unusual relationship. Within a few minutes it was obvious that PJ was very disturbed and unhappy. Relationships. What else? She considered herself too old to do anything about her situation (late 60's, early 70's). Doomed and Scrooged.
I reminded her of Scrooge who thought he was too old to change. She didn't get the anology. I could tell she was borderline indifferent, a state of mind one may move into at any time that is the opposite of love, letting nothing in that is positive and closing the heart forever, thereby entering into a state of mind that is extremely difficult to get out of. I knew I had to do something.
I remembered words of wisdom from Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha during my time with her. She always said, "As a medicine person you will have to do anything it takes to bring balance to a situation. If you don't know what to do, call on me and just get out of the way."
I called out to Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha and all the Grandmothers and Grandfathers to help this woman. Then I just got out of the way.
I found myself saying something shocking to PJ. I couldn't believe that I'd said it, but I did. I only know it was way dirty and it even shocked me but I can't remember what it was. Anyway, PJ's reaction, being totally shocked, was to laugh. So I said something even more shocking. Honestly, now, I don't even remember what I had said to her. The whole conversation was a blur and I couldn't tell you later what it was that I'd said to her, not even minutes after I'd said it. That is how spirit works when you get out of the way.
I was on a roll. Shocking epithets issuing forth as though someone had turned on a faucet. Within moments, PJ was transformed. She was roaring with laughter! For the next 45 minutes, PJ rocked and rolled on my table with laughter. It never occurred to me that people may be in the outer office wondering what was going on inside my room. PJ and I were having a ball. She was now crying tears of joy whereas she came in all miserable and sad.
Laughter heals the soul. It had been a long while since PJ had laughed. The sadness and the weight of the world, she carried. The joy and the longing for love, she missed. Her heart was heavy with dread because she kept looking back at what life had been. Instead of looking forward to what life can be. Many people look backward and it never is a benefit to do so. You can drive yourself crazy looking back. It is always better to look ahead.
I gave PJ the name of a counselor and her card to make sure she wouldn't forget. PJ said she'd definitely go to see her and she made another appointment with me because she loved the whole session and also the massage. She said she felt better than she had in years but she knew she had a long way to go. Each time PJ came in she would laugh and laugh. She came back for awhile and then I didn't see her again.
Later, I spoke to her counselor, there at the hospital. I asked how PJ was doing and the counselor said she was coming along but she always cried. "Hard Case". I told her of my time with PJ and how I could get her laughing. She just looked at me, incredulous. "YOU GET HER LAUGHING??? How do you do that?"
All I could say was, "I don't know.....I just call on spirit and get out of the way."
Friday, January 21, 2011
Journey To Old Oraibi
I remember traveling out to the Land of the Hopi with Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha back in the late '80's. We went with her to study shamanism, never imagining what would transpire because we were all so innocent. Just our innocence was protection from evils, which we learned were only imbalances that could be balanced. In those days I was very spiritual but had little earthly materials so I listened when Grandmother said, "Never become so spiritual that you're no earthly good".
Grandmother knew the people in the Hopi community. "Hopi" are the Native Americans known as "the little people of peace". When we arrived on the mesa known as Old Oraibi a young Native woman met us. She was the one that would guide us and show us the village. We went into the sacred place known as a Kiva which is built into the ground. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiva. This room is built for ritual and sacred ceremony. Grandmother Parisha explained to us that the floor of the Kiva is sprinkled with cornmeal but at the end of the ritual, no footprints can be seen in the corn pollen on the floor.
While we were traveling through the village we went to the edge of the mesa which is protected by a 4 foot wall so you don't just go wandering around at night and fall off the edge. I was one in a group surrounding Grandmother, and we stood and marvelled at the scene far below and out beyond. It was certainly a long way down! There was a very small, sickly looking bush up against the wall. I noticed a group of Hopi men about 40 yards away, standing by a dwelling. They were looking in our direction and just milling around.
Grandmother was talking to us and teaching when we all saw a brilliant red and black coral snake appear by the sickly looking bush on the wall. We all stepped back to allow room for the snake knowing there was no place for it to go. At that moment a Raven began calling from the opposite side of the mesa and it caught Grandmother Parisha's attention. She turned to look at the Raven and in that instant she doubled over, as if in pain. The Raven had been calling a warning.
Also in that moment, the snake disappeared. No one could see where it went, and we all knew that there was no place for it to go but over the edge. No holes in the ground either. Grandmother was definitely in pain and, taken by surprise, she still stood but looked as though she could use something to sit down on and get off her feet. There was nothing. I saw the look on the Native woman's face who was acting as our guide. She was in a state of panic. She turned and ran as fast as she could back to one of the dwellings. Long braids flying.
Grandmother explained that she had been hit in her abdomen by the snake. This was a form of sorcery, most likely attributed to the men we had seen standing by the dwelling. She felt movement in her body and knew she had to take care of the situation. We completely surrounded her and walked back to our vehicles to go back to the hotel. My emotions fluctuated between fear and anger, which Grandmother recognized. She smiled and said the damage could be fixed and would become a teaching for all of us. I marvelled once again at her wisdom and her courage.
When we returned to the hotel it was dark. We were in our rooms when the lights in the complex went out. All of them. The whole place had shut down because there was no power. It stayed that way for about an hour.
Later, we all gathered with Grandmother who appeared to be herself again. She held a large crystal in her hand and gave a teaching on sorcery. The spirit of an old sorcerer had been called forth to do ill to her and she'd had to pull it from her body which pulled power from the circuits, causing the black-out. The spirit of the sorcerer was caught in the large crystal she held in her hand. She said that if one of us had been between her and the snake, she would have taught us about extraction. Just for a moment, I was crazy enough to be sad that it wasn't me who had been hit by the snake! I wanted to learn everything she could teach.
She taught that there was nothing but love and compassion and, resting in that, she sent the spirit of the old one back to the grandmothers and grandfathers who stood waiting to take the errant sorcerer back to themselves. At that, she released the spirit of the old one from the crystal, from which arose a puff of smoke.
Grandmother knew the people in the Hopi community. "Hopi" are the Native Americans known as "the little people of peace". When we arrived on the mesa known as Old Oraibi a young Native woman met us. She was the one that would guide us and show us the village. We went into the sacred place known as a Kiva which is built into the ground. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiva. This room is built for ritual and sacred ceremony. Grandmother Parisha explained to us that the floor of the Kiva is sprinkled with cornmeal but at the end of the ritual, no footprints can be seen in the corn pollen on the floor.
While we were traveling through the village we went to the edge of the mesa which is protected by a 4 foot wall so you don't just go wandering around at night and fall off the edge. I was one in a group surrounding Grandmother, and we stood and marvelled at the scene far below and out beyond. It was certainly a long way down! There was a very small, sickly looking bush up against the wall. I noticed a group of Hopi men about 40 yards away, standing by a dwelling. They were looking in our direction and just milling around.
Grandmother was talking to us and teaching when we all saw a brilliant red and black coral snake appear by the sickly looking bush on the wall. We all stepped back to allow room for the snake knowing there was no place for it to go. At that moment a Raven began calling from the opposite side of the mesa and it caught Grandmother Parisha's attention. She turned to look at the Raven and in that instant she doubled over, as if in pain. The Raven had been calling a warning.
Also in that moment, the snake disappeared. No one could see where it went, and we all knew that there was no place for it to go but over the edge. No holes in the ground either. Grandmother was definitely in pain and, taken by surprise, she still stood but looked as though she could use something to sit down on and get off her feet. There was nothing. I saw the look on the Native woman's face who was acting as our guide. She was in a state of panic. She turned and ran as fast as she could back to one of the dwellings. Long braids flying.
Grandmother explained that she had been hit in her abdomen by the snake. This was a form of sorcery, most likely attributed to the men we had seen standing by the dwelling. She felt movement in her body and knew she had to take care of the situation. We completely surrounded her and walked back to our vehicles to go back to the hotel. My emotions fluctuated between fear and anger, which Grandmother recognized. She smiled and said the damage could be fixed and would become a teaching for all of us. I marvelled once again at her wisdom and her courage.
When we returned to the hotel it was dark. We were in our rooms when the lights in the complex went out. All of them. The whole place had shut down because there was no power. It stayed that way for about an hour.
Later, we all gathered with Grandmother who appeared to be herself again. She held a large crystal in her hand and gave a teaching on sorcery. The spirit of an old sorcerer had been called forth to do ill to her and she'd had to pull it from her body which pulled power from the circuits, causing the black-out. The spirit of the sorcerer was caught in the large crystal she held in her hand. She said that if one of us had been between her and the snake, she would have taught us about extraction. Just for a moment, I was crazy enough to be sad that it wasn't me who had been hit by the snake! I wanted to learn everything she could teach.
She taught that there was nothing but love and compassion and, resting in that, she sent the spirit of the old one back to the grandmothers and grandfathers who stood waiting to take the errant sorcerer back to themselves. At that, she released the spirit of the old one from the crystal, from which arose a puff of smoke.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Lupus and Detox
Many years ago I took seriously something my Elder, Grandmother Parisha, said. She said, "Learn all you can about the human body." It was the 1990's and I've always wanted to learn healing, having studied some aspect of it for most of my life.
It was in the '90's that this body of mine developed something called Lupus. I was in pain in all of my joints and muscles. I hurt everywhere. If I went out into the sun I had to be completely covered because I would break out in a rash all over. Whenever I went to the beach you could pick me out of a crowd because I was covered in light gauzy material from shoulders to feet with a wide brimmed hat on my head. No problem finding me!
When I'd had enough of hurting I decided to do something about it. I began to detox my liver with liver flushes and I took large amounts of trace minerals and vitamins and good oils such as flax and vitamin E. I had massage almost every week and was doing many sacred rock lodges also known as 'sweat' lodges.
All of this took time and money but I was focused and intent on getting my body out of this deficient condition. I learned about pH balancing and worked with it until I knew how to bring my body out of any circumstance where viruses were concerned.
Viruses need something to feed on and as long as you supply what it eats, it will stay. Take away it's food, and the virus will leave. I found many ways to stop feeding viruses and found out how to stop them before they became too strong and took hold of my body. Essential oils play a big role in eradicating viruses.
Within two years my body was free of Lupus. No pain in muscles or joints and all the energy I need to make it through a long day. It took me a few years to right all the wrongs of diet with detox and replacing minerals. I had been on steroids for thyroiditis in 1992. Steroids (prednizone) depletes vitamins and minerals leaching them out of the body. There is a steroid cleanse in the Article base on my website. If you've been on steroids you may want to consider this cleanse.
Then, about 2 years ago, I was contacted through my website, http://www.windinherhair.com/, by a woman who told me about Far Infrared and Negative Potential. I immediately began learning about the four medical devices for detoxing and oxygenating the body. Had I had access to these wonderful healing medical devices I could have saved a lot of time and money. I use them all at one time or another during my week with people who come in with pain and other physical ailments. People who can't ever get warm along with the elderly love the Far Infrared dome (HotHouse) because they can use it for many hours and it warms them from the inside, meaning that it raises their metabolism and heats them up from inside the body. With the HotHouse you can sleep under it, which I often do, and the thing about it is that it will take you into what is called a 'healing crisis' within 2 hours after you begin to use it.
A Healing Crisis happens when the body begins to throw off toxins and you may feel uncomfortable for weeks while that is happening. But with the HotHouse you can do it in as little time as 2 hours. It blows my mind! There are articles under the Chi DVD link on all the devices and, if you're interested, under the HotHouse there are research materials that suggest that Far Infrared therapy is too hot for cancer. Very interesting information. Anyway, there is much to be written on each of the healing devices. Look for the next blog on Negative Potential.
It was in the '90's that this body of mine developed something called Lupus. I was in pain in all of my joints and muscles. I hurt everywhere. If I went out into the sun I had to be completely covered because I would break out in a rash all over. Whenever I went to the beach you could pick me out of a crowd because I was covered in light gauzy material from shoulders to feet with a wide brimmed hat on my head. No problem finding me!
When I'd had enough of hurting I decided to do something about it. I began to detox my liver with liver flushes and I took large amounts of trace minerals and vitamins and good oils such as flax and vitamin E. I had massage almost every week and was doing many sacred rock lodges also known as 'sweat' lodges.
All of this took time and money but I was focused and intent on getting my body out of this deficient condition. I learned about pH balancing and worked with it until I knew how to bring my body out of any circumstance where viruses were concerned.
Viruses need something to feed on and as long as you supply what it eats, it will stay. Take away it's food, and the virus will leave. I found many ways to stop feeding viruses and found out how to stop them before they became too strong and took hold of my body. Essential oils play a big role in eradicating viruses.
Within two years my body was free of Lupus. No pain in muscles or joints and all the energy I need to make it through a long day. It took me a few years to right all the wrongs of diet with detox and replacing minerals. I had been on steroids for thyroiditis in 1992. Steroids (prednizone) depletes vitamins and minerals leaching them out of the body. There is a steroid cleanse in the Article base on my website. If you've been on steroids you may want to consider this cleanse.
Then, about 2 years ago, I was contacted through my website, http://www.windinherhair.com/, by a woman who told me about Far Infrared and Negative Potential. I immediately began learning about the four medical devices for detoxing and oxygenating the body. Had I had access to these wonderful healing medical devices I could have saved a lot of time and money. I use them all at one time or another during my week with people who come in with pain and other physical ailments. People who can't ever get warm along with the elderly love the Far Infrared dome (HotHouse) because they can use it for many hours and it warms them from the inside, meaning that it raises their metabolism and heats them up from inside the body. With the HotHouse you can sleep under it, which I often do, and the thing about it is that it will take you into what is called a 'healing crisis' within 2 hours after you begin to use it.
A Healing Crisis happens when the body begins to throw off toxins and you may feel uncomfortable for weeks while that is happening. But with the HotHouse you can do it in as little time as 2 hours. It blows my mind! There are articles under the Chi DVD link on all the devices and, if you're interested, under the HotHouse there are research materials that suggest that Far Infrared therapy is too hot for cancer. Very interesting information. Anyway, there is much to be written on each of the healing devices. Look for the next blog on Negative Potential.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Here I Come To Save The Day
Walk into my house at any particular point in time and you may trip over doggy toys while the dogs are running around your feet trying to pull on pants or skirt. While my house is clean, the dogs are like little children who don't pick up after themselves.
I never thought I would have one dog let alone two. The way it got around to this arrangement went something like this.
About 4 years ago my man Ed decided he was going to stop drinking for health reasons. Good enough. But I was concerned about the way he was going about it. Keep in mind, this is after 44 years of drinking and smoking. One day, he walked up to me and said, "I don't want a fuss about it but I just decided to stop drinking beer. When I did, the cigarettes didn't taste so good so I stopped smoking and coffee, too".
This came from a man who would put away a case of beer in a day and a half while smoking his menthols one after another.
All I could do was freeze, eyes wide, mouth dropping open and think, "there goes my Eddie".
Well, there went my Eddie. Within a week he was a basket case. I told him he was worse than a woman who was always menstruating. I had no idea what he was going through but I wished he would go through it with help, like AA. He wouldn't hear of it.
Many people said it was GREAT that he was doing this. I didn't think so. While Ed drank he was the sweetest, most laid-back, helpful, fun, hard-working man I ever laid eyes on.
All that changed when he stopped drinking. Sure it was good for his health. He began working out for about 4 hours daily which was really good but I realized that he just traded obsessions. He went from drinking to working out, and something else happened. He became the meanest, cruelest, empty, non-talkative shell of a man. He dropped all of his old friends in such a short time that we all just stood around wondering what the heck happened to him. By this time I was literally begging him to get some help. He never did. He said it wasn't about me or anyone else, he just didn't know how to 'get back'.
I knew what he was talking about. His 'heart' had closed completely and he couldn't feel anything. It worried him. All the years of covering up the tremendous hurt he harbored from a lifetime of hurt came bubbling to the surface when he no longer had the alcohol to cover it up but now he didn't know how to handle that hurt. His heart was closed and nothing was working to open it again.
After living with Ed for 3 years with him in this 'closed, empty, dead man walking' state, it began to wear me down. I went to a Sun Ceremony and Grandmother Parisha asked me how I was doing. I told her about Ed and she said, 'why do you stay?' I just looked at her and told her that I couldn't leave someone who hurt that much. She just looked at me and didn't say anything but I knew she understood.
Within the month I had this voice in my head telling me to 'get a dog'. The conversation went like this:
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me responding: "I don't want a dog"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: "I don't want a dog"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: "Too much work"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: "I don't have time for a dog"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: If I'm supposed to have a dog it will just walk up to my door!"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
The voice in my head was Grandmother and I knew it and I kept up with the denials that I could ever have a dog while she just kept up with the fact that I could use a dog. This 'conversation' kept up until I began, against my will and 'better' judgement to begin looking for a dog. The comedy of the situation would later make me laugh.
When I finally got a dog it was a little 2 lb. puppy, the smallest I could find but the cutest little thing in the form of a Yorkie/Poo whom I named Romeo. I figured that men had let me down so I'd just revert to living with a four-legged Romeo and he fits his name. He is a little lover.
My daughter couldn't believe I got a dog so she packed up her son Ian who was 6 months old at the time and brought him down to see the little thing.
We were all in the family room, laughing to tears at the antics of the puppy and my grandchild when Ed walked into the room from his self-imposed exile in the living room to see what all the ruckus was about. He asked 'what's going on?' Then when he saw the puppy, he said, "is that a dog?" I said it was. He then said, "whose dog is it?" I said, "it's mine". He turned away and I heard him complaining under his breath and every other word was "PUPPY!" He was angry.
Until the next day when the little two-pounder looked up at his 6' frame and the man's heart melted. It took the puppy all of two minutes to capture the man's heart and pull it back out of the void it had been lost in. Ed was smitten with little Romeo. Over the course of the last year the man has come to worship little Romeo and Romeo is certainly Ed's dog. It was hysterical the amount of love and attention that went into this little four-legged fur-ball by this tall, imposing character that I live with. We both agreed to get little Romeo another dog for him to play with so I went out and got Valentino, half brother to Romeo. They are an absolute joy and Ed actually laughs a lot these days.
When I spoke with Grandmother I said I had heard and she said, "yes, all is well".
Thank you Grandmother Parisha. You knew that only a dog could have done for this man what this little one did for Ed. Your wisdom saved this man's life and brought him back from the underworld. I thank you with all my heart.
I never thought I would have one dog let alone two. The way it got around to this arrangement went something like this.
About 4 years ago my man Ed decided he was going to stop drinking for health reasons. Good enough. But I was concerned about the way he was going about it. Keep in mind, this is after 44 years of drinking and smoking. One day, he walked up to me and said, "I don't want a fuss about it but I just decided to stop drinking beer. When I did, the cigarettes didn't taste so good so I stopped smoking and coffee, too".
This came from a man who would put away a case of beer in a day and a half while smoking his menthols one after another.
All I could do was freeze, eyes wide, mouth dropping open and think, "there goes my Eddie".
Well, there went my Eddie. Within a week he was a basket case. I told him he was worse than a woman who was always menstruating. I had no idea what he was going through but I wished he would go through it with help, like AA. He wouldn't hear of it.
Many people said it was GREAT that he was doing this. I didn't think so. While Ed drank he was the sweetest, most laid-back, helpful, fun, hard-working man I ever laid eyes on.
All that changed when he stopped drinking. Sure it was good for his health. He began working out for about 4 hours daily which was really good but I realized that he just traded obsessions. He went from drinking to working out, and something else happened. He became the meanest, cruelest, empty, non-talkative shell of a man. He dropped all of his old friends in such a short time that we all just stood around wondering what the heck happened to him. By this time I was literally begging him to get some help. He never did. He said it wasn't about me or anyone else, he just didn't know how to 'get back'.
I knew what he was talking about. His 'heart' had closed completely and he couldn't feel anything. It worried him. All the years of covering up the tremendous hurt he harbored from a lifetime of hurt came bubbling to the surface when he no longer had the alcohol to cover it up but now he didn't know how to handle that hurt. His heart was closed and nothing was working to open it again.
After living with Ed for 3 years with him in this 'closed, empty, dead man walking' state, it began to wear me down. I went to a Sun Ceremony and Grandmother Parisha asked me how I was doing. I told her about Ed and she said, 'why do you stay?' I just looked at her and told her that I couldn't leave someone who hurt that much. She just looked at me and didn't say anything but I knew she understood.
Within the month I had this voice in my head telling me to 'get a dog'. The conversation went like this:
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me responding: "I don't want a dog"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: "I don't want a dog"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: "Too much work"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: "I don't have time for a dog"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
Me: If I'm supposed to have a dog it will just walk up to my door!"
Voice in head: "Get a Dog"
The voice in my head was Grandmother and I knew it and I kept up with the denials that I could ever have a dog while she just kept up with the fact that I could use a dog. This 'conversation' kept up until I began, against my will and 'better' judgement to begin looking for a dog. The comedy of the situation would later make me laugh.
When I finally got a dog it was a little 2 lb. puppy, the smallest I could find but the cutest little thing in the form of a Yorkie/Poo whom I named Romeo. I figured that men had let me down so I'd just revert to living with a four-legged Romeo and he fits his name. He is a little lover.
My daughter couldn't believe I got a dog so she packed up her son Ian who was 6 months old at the time and brought him down to see the little thing.
We were all in the family room, laughing to tears at the antics of the puppy and my grandchild when Ed walked into the room from his self-imposed exile in the living room to see what all the ruckus was about. He asked 'what's going on?' Then when he saw the puppy, he said, "is that a dog?" I said it was. He then said, "whose dog is it?" I said, "it's mine". He turned away and I heard him complaining under his breath and every other word was "PUPPY!" He was angry.
Until the next day when the little two-pounder looked up at his 6' frame and the man's heart melted. It took the puppy all of two minutes to capture the man's heart and pull it back out of the void it had been lost in. Ed was smitten with little Romeo. Over the course of the last year the man has come to worship little Romeo and Romeo is certainly Ed's dog. It was hysterical the amount of love and attention that went into this little four-legged fur-ball by this tall, imposing character that I live with. We both agreed to get little Romeo another dog for him to play with so I went out and got Valentino, half brother to Romeo. They are an absolute joy and Ed actually laughs a lot these days.
When I spoke with Grandmother I said I had heard and she said, "yes, all is well".
Thank you Grandmother Parisha. You knew that only a dog could have done for this man what this little one did for Ed. Your wisdom saved this man's life and brought him back from the underworld. I thank you with all my heart.
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