Being the Balance

Many years ago while working for the Pathology department of a major hospital, one of my duties as secretary to the Director of the Autopsy department was to put the names of all the newborn babies that died in the black book. These little ones were nameless and were simply known as 'baby boy' or 'baby girl'. What set them apart was the date and time of birth and death. They were the still born babies. Babies who, for whatever reason, came into this world for the shortest of time, possibly took just a breath or maybe not any breath at all. There were many of these entries of babies that never were, filling pages and pages of the Black Book.

Each of us has the ability to make a difference in what is happening around us, even if it appears to be in the smallest way possible.  Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha, many years ago, when I asked her why so many babies are born dead, gave a simple but eloquent explanation which I will reiterate in my own words:

She said in so many words, that "Every person, every being that comes into this earth walk, comes for a reason and that is to leave their imprint, their pattern, in the earth.  Not all come for a long time.  Many are born and live long lives.  But there are many who come for just the shortest of times just to leave their pattern in the earth.  These are the messengers.  Each child that comes in and dies shortly after being born or who are still-born comes with a message and they keep coming until their message is heard.  They are like a flower that blooms, opening its petals and leaving its scent,  then closes up, withers and dies.  Whenever you encounter one of these messengers, give a prayer of thanks for their time here.  When you do, they will know their message is received and there will not be so many of them with messages trying to be heard."

I took Grandmother's explanation to heart and daily, while putting their nameless names into the hospital's Black Book I would say "Thank You" to each and every one of them.

One year passed before a nurse came into my office.  Her job was to count the stillborn babies in the book, something she did once each month.  This time was different.  After counting the names of the little ones she turned to me and said, "The numbers of still-borns have been dropping consistently for the last year, and no one knows why."

I remembered the baby I lost back in 1978.  Grandmother's message had affected me profoundly because I remembered saying "Thank you" to my little one.  Before I lost this boy-child, I had a dream wherein I saw a boy being born to me in a breach position.  I waited to see his face but, before I could, the dream ended.  Shortly after having this dream, I became pregnant and lost this baby in my fourth month.  The message did not escape me but it took me a while to get it.   The message this child left with me was that life is precious and not one minute of it can ever be wasted because there are many souls who desire to live this life that don't have the chance to be here or have the opportunity to carry out whatever they came here to do.  The death of my baby brought me out of a severe depression and I was grateful for the message.  I got it.  I had simply said, "thank you".

Laughter as Medicine

Years ago while working in a hospital's pain management facility as a massage therapist, a woman came to see me whom I'll refer to as PJ. 

The moment I began to work with PJ I knew there was something amiss, due to the presence of tears and unusually high anxiety.  Not easy to miss. 

So began an unusual relationship.  Within a few minutes it was obvious that PJ was very disturbed and unhappy.  Relationships.  What else?  She considered herself too old to do anything about her situation (late 60's, early 70's).  Doomed and Scrooged. 

I reminded her of Scrooge who thought he was too old to change.  She didn't get the anology.  I could tell she was borderline indifferent, a state of mind one may move into at any time that is the opposite of love, letting nothing in that is positive and closing the heart forever, thereby entering into a state of mind that is extremely difficult to get out of.  I knew I had to do something.

I remembered words of wisdom from Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha during my time with her.  She always said, "As a medicine person you will have to do anything it takes to bring balance to a situation.  If you don't know what to do, call on me and just get out of the way."

I called out to Grandmother Pa'Ris'Ha and all the Grandmothers and Grandfathers to help this woman.  Then I just got out of the way.

I found myself saying something shocking to PJ.  I couldn't believe that I'd said it, but I did.  I only know it was way dirty and it even shocked me but I can't remember what it was.  Anyway, PJ's reaction, being totally shocked, was to laugh.  So I said something even more shocking.  Honestly, now, I don't even remember what I had said to her.  The whole conversation was a blur and I couldn't tell you later what it was that I'd said to her, not even minutes after I'd said it.  That is how spirit works when you get out of the way.

I was on a roll.  Shocking epithets issuing forth as though someone had turned on a faucet.  Within moments, PJ was transformed.  She was roaring with laughter!  For the next 45 minutes, PJ rocked and rolled on my table with laughter.  It never occurred to me that people may be in the outer office wondering what was going on inside my room.  PJ and I were having a ball.  She was now crying tears of joy whereas she came in all miserable and sad. 

Laughter heals the soul.  It had been a long while since PJ had laughed.  The sadness and the weight of the world, she carried.  The joy and the longing for love, she missed.  Her heart was heavy with dread because she kept looking back at what life had been.  Instead of looking forward to what life can be.  Many people look backward and it never is a benefit to do so.  You can drive yourself crazy looking back.  It is always better to look ahead.

I gave PJ the name of a counselor and her card to make sure she wouldn't forget.  PJ said she'd definitely go to see her and she made another appointment with me because she loved the whole session and also the massage.  She said she felt better than she had in years but she knew she had a long way to go.  Each time PJ came in she would laugh and laugh.  She came back for awhile and then I didn't see her again.

Later, I spoke to her counselor, there at the hospital.  I asked how PJ was doing and the counselor said she was coming along but she always cried.  "Hard Case".  I told her of my time with PJ and how I could get her laughing.  She just looked at me, incredulous.  "YOU GET HER LAUGHING???  How do you do that?"

All I could say was, "I don't know.....I just call on spirit and get out of the way."